Ma- excerpt from my next collection- 7 Letters

To Mom,

You knew you would be the first one.
You just knew.
 Maybe papa knows me better, but you know I know the things you know about me.
 Can you hear me Mumma?
 Can you hear the little voice you once coddled in your womb? Can you hear the
 annoying silence, the unbearable restlessness, and the endless pain?
Maybe you can. Maybe you can’t. Maybe you want to, maybe you don’t.
 Maybe it’s just easier to pretend that the girl in front of you is fine. Maybe it is easier
to believe there’s a God. Maybe it is easier to rely on him(?).
Mumma, do you remember the time I was so young
(I don’t know how I remember this)
 you could hold me in the palm of your hand. I was so tiny you could fit me
 in your pocket and pretend (for once) that I was in your control.
That would have been the first, wouldn’t it mumma?
This was the third time I overdosed
This makes me the fifth of the people you know
You know?
Ma, my wrists feel stronger now
But they can carry the weight of the blade
No more
Maybe if I try hard enough we can
Pretend I’m just a window,
With a way out
And no way in
Mumma, do you remember the seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, months years
My tears
wouldn’t step
My pain, too visible to hide
My love – safeguarded for all the wrong men
Mumma, do you remember
My first smile?
The curve of a child who would soon be
Eager to die
Mumma, do you hear me when I say save me
Or is it just me
Talking to the voices in my head
Mumma, what if I told you
That poets and teachers study Kerouac
Just for Ocean to call them douchebags
What if I told you this life
.  (this- a blank space)

13 thoughts on “Ma- excerpt from my next collection- 7 Letters

  1. The thing about your poetry is that you always break rules, because of which you create new and ground breaking creations. This one just touched my heart so much that I’ll never forget these lines even if I wanted to.
    Keep going, girl ❤

    Liked by 1 person

      1. I already did!! I saw your posts on Instagram and I have to say, the collection had a calming effect on me. The way you stated some really important things in a simple way, was beautiful. It calmed me in a way, to be honest. I loved it. Keep writing and spreading light in the dark world❤❤


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